Drunk Charades

Well, where to begin on this one???

This is a friend of mine who we'll call Joan. I'm using an alias cause if this was me I wouldn't want anyone to know my name either. Joan attended a New Years Eve party at my brothers house last year, 2010. Throughout the course of the evening Joan consumed a few beers. I wouldn't say that she was drunk, but judging by the video she definitely didn't have her full whits about her. We were playing a board game that has some elements of pictionary, charades & trivial pursuit mixed in. Joan had a real tough time getting someone to guess what she was trying to act out. As a matter of fact, I dare you to try and guess what she is acting out.

A tip to my legion of loyal fans, if you're playing charades and your team doesn't get it based on what you're doing, do something else or just sit down. Other wise you'll look as silly as Jean did.

And notice my brother's clearly sarcastic comment right at the end, priceless.

I work with Joe

So I'm on a work trip to West Virginia and on the ride out I heard this great story that I had to share. As always I've changed the names of those involved to protect the guilty.

Joe, Bill & Bob were coming back from a similar work trip and decided to stop by a titty bar before heading home. Bill & Bob were both married but figured what there wives don't know won't hurt them. Once they got to the bar and threw back a few cold ones Joe paid one of the ladies to give Bill a lap dance. Bill squirmed and squealed as he knew he would soon smell like a stripper, and any wife could pick up on that from a thousand yards down wind. On the way home Bill was freaking out. "My wife is gonna know. She's gonna smell this perfume on me. BLAH BLAH BLAH". So Joe has a plan. He tells Bill that he can go to his bachelor pad and wash his clothes and take a shower while Joe drops Bob off. Then Joe would swing back by, pick him up and take him home smelling fresh and innocent. So it was agreed.

There Bill was freshly showered, in his underwear, sitting on Joe's couch and waiting for his clothes to dry. Little did he know that Joe's parents had come by to check on the place while Joe was out of town. Joe's mom walked in to find Bill in his underwear watching TV and the only thing he could get out was, "Uh uh uh uh, I work with Joe." She immediately walked out without saying a word. Minutes later Joe came home to find Bill freaking out. "Your moms gonna think we're queer or something." "Don't worry", said Joe. "I'll straighten it out." Joe, being the funny guy that he is, called his mom right there and said, "hey Mom, so I guess you met my boyfriend."

Snakin Stick

So a few days back I was up at T's and the girls wanted me to look
under some carpet rolls by the garden for a snake that T found a
couple of days ago. I told them I couldn't cause I didn't have my
snakin stick. Madi quickly picked up the hoe and said, "here use
this". After several tries we gave up without finding any snakes.
Fast forward to yesterday. (does that make sense)
I hear Juli & the girls carrying on and hollering for me to come kill
this snake that Juli had impaled with a rake. When I got there I asked
where my snakin stick was and Madi grabbed the hoe for me. I wacked
the snake a couple times, and thus saved the women from certain
slithery peril, before throwing it's carcass in the woods.
As I walked back to the garden with my instrament of death in my
clutches Soph let me know that I could use that snakin stick any time
I come over. She's so sweet.
In conclusion, I hated to kill the snake. However I take comfort in
knowing that it was already mortally wounded and I was performing a
mercy kill. Plus my Y chromosome likes to kill beasts that threaten
the safety of women folk. You can see from the picture of my
vanquished foe at the end of my snakin stick that he could have easily
eaten us all if I had not acted swiftly.