Kerosine Smells Like Gas

Greetings to my legion of loyal fans. Today I want to discuss an
incident that occured last week while I was in Mississippi. I called
my brother up and asked him to mow my yard for me while I was gone.
I'd done it for him before so I met minimal resistance. I did suggest
that he bring over his mower since it was better than mine and he in
turn insisted that I provide him with some gas. I was obliged to do so.

Here's where it gets interesting. I tell him there is a RED gas can in
the garage and it's full, he asks if it has 2 cycle oil mixed with it
and I said no, I don't have anything that takes 2 cycle.
The next day I call him up and the first thing he asks is, "what's in
that blue can in your garage?" At this point I'm already laughing as I
say, "kerosine, why?" His response, "mother fucker" told me everything.

I explained how I told him that the red can was gas and he gave me
this story about a tag on the spout that he thought could have meant
it had 2 cycle in it. Then he goes on to tell me how he even poured
some kerosine out and smelled it, that convinced him it was gas.

In closing I'd like to let my legion of loyal fans know that kerosine
will run a lawn mower, he mowed the whole yard on it. But I wouldn't
suggest it, he did say the mower was bouncing around and carrying on.
So this doesn't happen to you always remember:
Red = gas
Blue = kerosine
Yellow = diesel

Oh and check out the picture of my clearly marked kerosine can, when
in doubt, read.

Rebel Yell

Hear me my legion.
I spent a little time in Corinth Mississippi last week and was able to
see some of the sights around town. For those that don't know, like
myself before I went, Corinth held strategic value during the Cival
War. It was a cross roads where the north-south & east-west railroads
met. These rail ways were the backbone of the confederate supply lines.
As I toured the historic sights around town I was reminded of the
common misunderstanding about the cival war, that it was started over
slavery. This is in fact a distortion. The war was about states
rights. Could the federal governmant tell individual states what they
could and could not do? Yes slavery was abolished because of the war,
and thank goodness it was, but that was only a consequence of the war
not a cause for it. The majority of northern citizens didn't even care
about slavery one way or the other in 1861.

I bring this up because as I was walking these historic battle grounds
I found myself reflecting on how similar the circumstances are today
to back then. No I don't think we're near any kind of cival war but I
do feel that a lot of people out there are tired of the over intrusion
of the federal government in their lives. I sincerly think that we are
on a slippery slope that could lead to a country that we neither
recognize nor care to live in.

It wasn't till 1957, I believe, that confederate soldiers were given
full U.S. Military rights and recognition. By then they were all dead.
Up until that time they were traitors & rebels. Imagine that, the
federal governmant finally acknowledged that those trailors & rebels
were legitimate soldiers fighting for their rights.

I am man

Loyal followers, let it be known that I am MAN. As I replaced my belt
tensioner today a couple thoughts passed through the Hammer's mind.
Literaly a couple, it was a quick job. So I'll now share those with my
legion of adoring fans.

Few things in this world are as gratifying to a manly man as repairing
his automobile with his own two hands. The squish of the grease
between your fingers, the warmth of the engine radiating onto your
arms, the sound of cussing as you rake your knuckles across a sharp
engine component. There's something magical about the whole situation.

I would encourage you all to get out there and get under the hood.
Even if there is nothing wrong, you can break something, blame it on
the wife, cuss her for ruining your Saturday, and then go out to the
garage and repair your car with your buddies. Trust me, you'll thank
me for that one.

In the world according to Hammer real men repair their cars, or at
least try before seeking professional help.

If I were homeless

This one time, Tony and I saw one of these in an old Peddler's Mall
parking lot. We were gonna take it home but it wouldn't fit in the
Freestyle. As we walked back from the car Tony said, "Man, if I was
homeless with kids I'd be rocking that thing." we laughed our asses off.
Now go forth my legions of loyal fans and spread the word of how funny
that shit was, in the world according to Hammer.

Silva the Ball Rubber

To my legions of loyal fans. I am at this moment mobile blogging.
Few things in this world are more gratifying than getting paid to take
a shit and blogging your personal column at the same time. True, fast
go carts are close, but not as gratifying, unless you're getting paid
to ride them too.
Usually I save my blogging for quiet moments at home but I knew that
certain loyal fans, who we'll call Chris, were eager for some fresh
World According to Hammer. So here goes.

This weekend some friends and I watched the UFC fights. First, I was
so disappointed that BJ Penn lost by a bullshit decision. Bu in the
world according to Hammer, you better knock a guy out and process to
the world that it's your belt, never leave it to the judges BJ.
Second, the Anderson Silva vs. Some Loser fight. I have to say that
Silva is by far the most skilled UFC fighter out there. He'll probably
crush GSP in their upcoming fight. However I have to point out that I
completely hated the taunting and poor showmanship display that was
put on by Silva. He fans may enjoy a little taunt, but only if you're
gonna finish the guy immediately after. Silva never closed the deal.
He's like some slut who tells you how good the pussy is over and over
but all she does is rub your balls till they're blue. That's Silva to
me, a ball rubbing media slut. In the world according to Hammer this
shit would not stand. If I were Dana White I'd have sent a crew of
pipe weilding, butch bulldyke truckers into that ring and given the
fans a real show while they went ape shit on Silva's skinny femanine
legs. Then I'd flush his career like I'm now doing with this turd. My
only prayer is that GSP will be able to break Silva's leg when they
fight. Go French Canada.
Till next time, that's the world according to Hammer.